After an inner child session with me today for anxiety and control issues a young lady wrote a heart-rendering and thought provoking letter to her mother.
Parenting is not about perfection, parenting is about being totally honest with your child and also owning up to your mistakes when you make one. It is about being authentic, not just working on the image but the character of your child.
Are our actions enhancing or depleting their sense of self-worth? Are our words kind and direct rather than sarcastic and taxing? Do we correct our tone when we speak to our children? Are we treating our children like trophies to be exhibited or we genuinely pause to appreciate them for their qualities with no one watching? Are we so lost in the role of being a parent that we stop enjoying the journey with this extraordinary, unique, individual who has been gifted to us?
I like my pictures in the childhood albums and the fact that you kept me so proper and dolled up. I am too grateful that I never went to sleep hungry, you even fed me in my sleep, though I wasn’t really famished and could have lasted skipping one meal.
Ma you took care of how I present myself to the world more than how I look at the self that was hiding beneath the layers of material filters. Ma you brought me up on full stomach but sometimes empty heart yearning for more. You were busy nurturing me, providing for me, fighting for the little things for me but you forgot to give me some peaceful and playful moments with just you and me. I could know more about who you are besides being my ma. I might have seen the human face of you ma and laughed at your falls with you and not just admire and sometimes envy the accounts of your glorious past. I wish you had paused once in a while and shown me your imperfections. I wish you would have taken breaks often. I wish when I came to you with my stories you wouldn’t dodge it because you were too spent on other stuffs or were simply watching the tube after a hectic day. You would smile at me and nod but you weren’t with me. I would cut short my story and leave it midway and you never got it because ma you were not paying attention. So, when you asked me to focus, I followed your ways too but you couldn’t accept my lower grades and my time with you was given away to tutors. You came but only to nag me and sometimes you became hurtingly nasty and sarcastic ma. You would humiliate me in front of baba and laugh at me with your friends, I didn’t find it cute ma as your friend once put it. You compared me with others and so did I. I found those who did the mothering differently and prayed silently to be born again to them and redo my childhood. I confess I gave up on us.
Today, when you don’t hear from me you send me on a guilt trip but ma I don’t know how to be with you entirely. I hardly know you when you are not busy perfecting every moment, corner, meal and projecting that we are one happy family.
Rhea (name changed)”
I am inviting you to write real letters of hiccups in your growing years that impacted your personality and life. Once we accept them, we can deal with them.We can forgive better. If we burry, it is going to fester.
Don’t be a victim but allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Share with me and add the tag #UnpostedLettersToParents.